Methodology

My Portal Play methodology is made up of four different areas that led me and that lead my clients to profound transformation.

Desires Play:

The quiet whispers of your heart that you dare not listen too closely to are the first key to getting the life of your dreams. They are your destiny. They show what your life would look like if you were living in your turn-on. When you don’t know what to do, your desires are the yellow brick road to your future.

What our sacred, pulsating hearts really want is so big. We want the whole entire world. We want love and abundance and riches and pleasure. We want heat and passion and connection and thrill. We want safety and comfort and belonging.

But we don’t usually allow ourselves to see our deepest desires clearly because it would require a different set of underlying beliefs than we currently have. Our life up until this moment has been structured around our wounding and our socialization, and it matches a picture of what we have believed we deserved or could access up until this point. We have parts in our systems that believe going after our desires is most certainly going to bring pain and ruin, so they block our vision from even being able to see those desires much of the time. They just turn us in another direction blind eye and tell us a little story about how thinking about it too much jinxes it. Or how it will be better not to get our hopes up so that we don’t feel too crushed by the disappointment when it doesn’t happen. And we usually say, “good point,” and move along.

You won’t move toward a dream you won’t admit you have—it’s just not an efficient path.

For my manifesting fans: it’s also true that spending time accessing your desires and allowing yourself to imagine they are already met is the very thing that brings them about faster. Getting onto the frequency of your desire helps you attract everything that is also holding the frequency of your desire. It’s how you find the people who will help you bring it about. It’s how you tap into the potent, magnetic, Higher Self energy that knows how deeply worthy you are.

I help my clients create containers of safety that allow you to not only see clearly, but also really experience the hotness and the magnetic power of your desires.

Parts play:

I was always so excited by the teachings around manifesting and the power of positive intention, but I was deeply frustrated that my attempts only sometimes worked, and I could never tell why sometimes they failed.

The reason it’s not that simple is that in order to get on the frequency of “I already have it,” we have to move through all the energy in our system that vibrates on the frequency of “I’m not worthy of that” or “I can’t have that.” Luckily, we can think about all that energy as different parts of ourselves that were born in moments throughout our lives when we were not able to hold all the pain or fear or shame that flooded us. Those parts are frozen in time in our systems, and they’re working overtime to protect us from doing anything they believe puts us in danger of re-experiencing horrific pain. They care deeply about doing this job well because they love us fiercely.

Motives aside, these saboteur parts can derail our most earnest attempts to bring about the changes we want to have in our lives. After we mess something up, we usually revert directly to shame. “I guess I’m just not worthy.” But instead we should be asking ourselves: What part in my system didn’t feel safe?

There’s a whole process for identifying and meeting these parts, and once your learn it it will change your life forever. It’s not that you won’t have to do the play or that it won’t be scary when you do: we’re always going to be growing and healing, we’re always going to be identifying new parts that are ready to come out of the shadows to be integrated. But once you put in the time and attention to learn the process of identifying and relating to your parts, your life is shifted onto a different trajectory because you can go back for the ones in you that have been disowned and trapped and hurting.

My approach to parts work is deeply informed by years of receiving Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. My approach takes the basic tenets of IFS and brings it into a role play process that immediately lands the concepts of embodying a saboteur part, accessing the divine love and wisdom of Higher Self, and giving the Saboteur exactly what they need. I teach this process in my Loving the Saboteur workshop.

Portal play:

This is the realm where we bring in a little parts work and a little mysticism. I learned how to create sacred BDSM-adjacent containers where parts can be expressed in play from my mentors at the Light Dark Institute. In the three day retreat experience I did with them, it was like these lightning rods of repressed truth finally cracked into consciousness in my system.

I came to understand that when you allow one of your parts to be fully embodied in role play, you become so much more empowered. Imagine bringing the inner critic that rips you to shreds on a daily basis into consciousness so you could distinguish its voice from your Higher Self’s. Imagine letting yourself enjoy, rather than rejecting, the deep turn on you get from the emotional masochist in you who loves to get hurt in the same ways over and over. Imagine allowing the most pitiful, shameful parts of you to be witnessed in the light of day and still be loved. Imagine expressing the truths in you that you’ve always deemed unacceptable and denied. Imagine you could learn how to love every last part in you.

Over time I developed my own approach to the concept of sacred ceremony for personal transformation, which I call Portal Play. Together my clients and I choose an intention for the portal. When we go into ceremony, I embody my sacred Domme persona known as Goddess Vortexx. She can be anything from a gentle, divine mother to a fierce, terrifying reflection of your own self-loathing and anything in between.

Whether it’s a specific role play we design to allow you to embody and express one of your Saboteur parts, or a ritual that allows you to make a choice about your healing, or a kinky scene that gives you access to a darkness you’ve been denying, we surrender to the truth that is revealed inside the portal and allow it to change us.

Pleasure play:

You literally don’t have the capacity in your nervous system right now to tolerate all the goodness you will someday have.

You know when you kind of brown out after something really good happens? Our systems have the capacity to hold only so much charge. And the high sensation of pleasure and pain feels very similar in our systems. Many times we dissociate and leave our bodies when something good is actually happening because our saboteurs are terrified of the unknown circumstances. Our parts don’t know pleasure charge from pain charge, or good new from bad new. They want status quo because they know how to keep us safe there. When our parts don’t let us actually feel the positive new experiences we’re having, we never get used to the feeling of the good things, so we never have the chance to show our parts that the good things are safe.

We literally need to expand the capacity of our nervous systems to tolerate the sensations of pleasure and love and abundance. It’s like, a thing to literally train for. If you’re serious about getting after the life of your dreams, you have to be willing to lovingly work with your system to stretch it.

The good news is, it’s like the most fun training you ever had to do. All you have to do is practice staying in your body while experiencing pleasure, love, and abundance.